One of my life goals is to become a patron of the arts. Thus, when I recently got the opportunity to do some research on arts foundations for the Vienna Symphony Orchestra, I jumped at the opportunity. Not only would my research support an orchestra (which is always a laudable thing), but I would learn what a good foundation and a good arts patron(ness) looks like. And as I always like to share my knowledge, I decided to write a little guide in case any of you are thinking of setting up a foundation. So, here’s ‘How to set up an arts foundation 101’.
Step 1: Set up the foundation and generously name it after yourself. In no case should the name reflect what your foundation does, because that might deprive hundreds of interns of something valuable to do.
Step 2: Decide what your foundation is going to be all about. And don’t you worry – when it comes to foundations, there is no cause too quirky (researching the influence of colours on human spiritual development), too broad (advancing humanity), too specific (pluck music, anyone?) or too right-wing (Do we really need foundations to preserve central European cultures and traditions? Haven’t we contaminated enough of the world already?).
Step 3: Decide on your area of influence. Again, as in step 3, there is no area too big (the world) or too small (a little Alpine village in Switzerland) to be deemed unworthy of its own foundation.
Step 4: Decide who you are going to benefit. There are four possible categories: the highly gifted, people with special needs, young people, the poor. The ideal beneficiary will fit into all of these categories and thus be a young, poor idiot-savant.
Step 5: Hide. The ideal foundation shrouds itself in a veil of mystery by not having a website and not telling anyone what it’s really for. Be especially careful not to tell anyone how much money is in the hands of your foundation or how anyone else can get it – people might actually try to do that. If you are especially astute, you will also feed information to the press on all the events you have generously sponsored so that people keep chasing you and you can have a good laugh every time someone types the name of your foundation into a search engine and the search result comes up blank.
All in all, this seems a lot easier than I thought it was and therefore, I have decided to set up the Gabriele Neuditschko Foundation. To be honest, I could tell you what it’s going to be all about, but that would take all the fun away. Instead, I’ll be secretly counting my money, giving interviews about my philanthropic work to selected members of the press and practicing my Cruella De Vil laugh while imagining a bunch if interns sitting in front of a computer screen trying to pin me down.
