How to find a job when there are no jobs

When I recently got a new computer and thus had to clean out my data, I was dismayed to find 30 unsuccessful job applications. Turns out that in the past ten years, I didn’t get a single job I applied for. Yet, throughout this time, I have always worked (except for when I went back to university). That’s because there’s a million different ways to get a job even if people say there are no jobs available or if, like me, you’re too dumb to find employment the way everyone else does it. So, if you can’t find a job the regular way, don’t despair (yet), but try a few of the strategies I have compiled here.

Let go of the dream of the amazingly paid full-time job with benefits

Here’s a bit of harsh truth for you, but I think you can handle it: the amazingly paid full-time job with benefits is the work equivalent of Prince Charming. It’s always the slightly younger male colleague who gets him. Let’s face it, in the current situation you will most probably not be able to get a well-paid full-time job. Period. But it really doesn’t matter because a couple of hours here and there can easily end up being the equivalent of a full-time job plus overtime. Businesses are trying to keep their costs to a minimum, but that’s not to say that they might not have work for you for a couple of hours every now and then. Also, please don’t be a snob about the work you do. A job is a job. I know it is tremendously important to like your work, but at the moment that’s a detail you cannot be bothered with. As long as you have a job (or seven) and the amount of money they yield is large enough to see you through the month, you’re a total star.

Let people know you’re looking for a job

This one might seem self-evident, but in order to find a job, you must let people know you’re looking for a job. The most elegant way to do this is to let it slip as a side-remark in a conversation and then look sad to underline your point. Sigh to add even more gravity. Shed a tear…no, don’t cry! That looks strange. The good thing is that full-time employment plus copious amounts of unpaid overtime seems to be the norm in this weird society of ours, and the moment you let people know you’re not working but would be willing to do so, people believe the world is coming to an end and will do everything in their power to restore you to your natural state as an overworked human. One very kindly gentleman I met at a conference spent two days distractedly wandering around the conference centre muttering the words ‘Who else can I introduce you to?’ while presenting me to everyone is if I were his new prize horse. Just imagine the possibilities! Next time, that prize horse could be you!

Showcase your work

Showcasing your work can be as simple as talking to other people about what you do. Admittedly, this is a lot easier if you basically like the work you’ve been trained to do and don’t need much prompting to talk about it. If, on top of that, it’s something that doesn’t bore people to death, you’re winning already. So, venture out into the world and say nice things about the work you do. Lie if you must. Those of you who did not heed my warning and are still spending too much time on social media might as well use this to their advantage and start saying nice things about their work online. It is advisable to do some thinking about which platform works best for you, but posting good stuff on the wrong platform and getting some experience is still better than posting nothing. Also, please be aware that showcasing your work online is one of the least gratifying experiences ever. How often have I toiled over a piece of writing for days only to find out that the only person who read and liked it was my own mother? In the long run, though, it helps you build a portfolio you can then show to a more discerning (and equally impressed) audience.

Practice your musical-style elevator pitch

I am assuming that most of you will be familiar with the dreaded elevator pitch. My experiences with ambushing unsuspecting people and throwing my presence and my ideas in their face would be positive if I didn’t dread doing this so much. Therefore, I have come up with a somewhat toned-down version of an elevator pitch, something I call the ‘musical-style’ elevator pitch. Here’s a bit of homework for you: prepare a 30-second elevator pitch about your services and then practice skilfully weaving it into conversations. If someone mentions they are struggling with a problem you could solve, say something along the lines, ‘That must be very frustrating. In fact, it’s a problem many of my clients struggle with, so it’s only natural to get help with [whatever it is you’re doing].’ Then look totally natural and pretend that nothing has happened. Think of it like a musical: it’s not weird to start singing in the middle of a conversation as long as nobody acknowledges that it’s weird, and it’s not weird to sing your own praises in the middle of a conversation as long as you pretend you didn’t do it.

Find like-minded people and support them to the best of your abilities

The same as strangers are friends you haven’t met yet, competitors are just colleagues you haven’t met yet. I don’t know if this is karma in action, but there seems to be an unwritten rule that if you do something nice, the universe sends you a job. Big brother and your future employer are always watching you and the reasons I have been offered jobs have rarely ever had anything to do with my qualifications. One person hired me because I helped her find a key (I didn’t actually find it, I knew where it was because I’d put it there because it was in my way). Due to low sample numbers, I cannot back this up scientifically, but I also have a hunch that the nicer you are, the greater the reward. If you go to a Viennese Beisl to support a friend who presents his historical novel about the Roman army, as my sister-in-law did, and on top of that try to appease the gastronomy gods as well as the waiter who keeps interrupting the presentation by ordering lots of drinks, you might even end up with two jobs. The very advanced among you can also help other people by helping them find jobs. If someone offers you work you know you won’t be able to do because you don’t have time or don’t have the necessary expertise, you have two options. You can accept and deliver a shoddy result, which is the equivalent of digging a grave for your career, or you can recommend someone you think will do a much better job, thus earning a reputation for being honest and giving brilliant referrals as well as people’s eternal gratitude.

Live!

Here’s the bummer for the introverts: sometimes it really pays to go out and talk to people. If there is food involved, even better. You would not believe the amount of work that has been offered to me over a friendly meal. Why people prefer to ask me if I want to work for them while I have my mouth full, I don’t dare speculate, but as I like both work and eating, I am not going to complain. For those of you who absolutely hate socializing, please note that it takes zero social skills to meet people. I love going to conferences because of all the info you can get there, but would never approach anyone for a chat. Therefore, I just sit at a table by myself and wait until someone takes pity on me and comes to chat, and people really come through for me. It also doesn’t hurt to pursue hobbies and interests, and they really need not be anything fancy. My sister-in-law likes has a thing for board games, which is why she always liked the social media posts of some random Swiss company who produces them. Impressed by so much dedication (and possibly surprised that an Austrian would be nice to someone from Switzerland), they started to follow her back on social media, where she duly showcases her work, and offered her – you guessed it – a job.

A word of warning: The exposure trap

I have said it before and I am going to say it again here: if you’re looking for exposure, the easiest way to get it is to take off your top. Admittedly, this is somewhat easier for women than for men, so gentlemen, feel free to shed any other garments in order to achieve the desired result. On a more serious note, let me tell you that if you do any kind of work, you must get something out of it other than ‘exposure’, this weird new currency which, just like bit coin, nobody really knows how to use. Ideally, you’d be getting money for the work you do, but learning something in the process is also acceptable. Even a warm, fuzzy feeling that helps you get through the day is acceptable as pay, but please don’t ever accept ‘exposure’ as remuneration for a job. To be very clear here: working for free in the hope of getting a job at the same place later is the equivalent of sleeping with the guy in the hope that he’ll eventually fall in love with you. It just never happens and you’re worth more than that.

Just one final remark: The world is what it is at the moment and no amount of networking, showcasing your work or being nice is going to change the fact that the economy is down and the arts are in trouble. Therefore, I cannot promise you that my advice will help you get rid of all your worries and financial problems immediately. What I can promise you though is that if you start doing even a few of these things, you will feel a lot less stressed, helpless and defeated, and a lot more in control. And you’ll be future employer’s go-to person as soon as they need someone to fill a vacancy when the economy picks up again, which I believe is a prospect that very much merits putting in some effort at this time.

This blog entry has been created with the support of the wonderful Sandra Neuditschko, who kindly shared stories about unexpected jobs coming her way.